Monday, April 26, 2010

Please excuse my brain mush

I'm having one of those days where I feel like I just can't get it right. I think we all do. At one point in my day, I had peas in my hair, two screaming babies who really needed naps, a phone ringing off the hook, and I was still in my pajamas when this was taking place at 2pm. To any onlookers, this was not a happy place. But, like always, just as soon as it calmed down I got just enough peace to think to myself "I love my life" before the circus came back to town (which was about 30 minutes later).

All day every day I think about this one thing: Am I a good mother? Because these babies of mine, well, they're perfect. And deserve nothing short of a perfect mother. Knowing I could never be perfect, I struggle with an inferiority complex like I've never had before. Paired with the post-pregnancy hormones and my hopes to be my old size again being dashed, I struggle some days. Not every day. Just some days. But I have these two faces to wake up to each morning. And I have this wonderful husband of mine. And we live in our dream house. And I have friends who drive hours to visit. And a porch to have dinner on with the people who come over. I have adorable clothes for my kids to wear and endless diapers and food and love for them.

Truthfully, whether or not I ever fit into my old jeans, I really do have it all.

And it's because of my friends and family that I feel this way. You have all been a part of making not just one, but FOUR people so very happy and comfortable and blessed. Not a day goes by, despite how hectic it gets, I don't think of how lucky I am to have all these wonderful people around me. All of YOU.

So, I have done a poor job of showing this by not sending out formal thank yous, yes. And I have every intention of rectifying that THIS WEEK (to dream the impossible dream). But in the meantime, please know that we appreciate each and every thing you guys have done. Whether it be the cute outfits you've bought, the diapers you've given, simply saying "your babies are so cute!", forgiving me for not supplying you with as many aprons as I'd like to (Kat, you rule!), or just calling to make sure I'M ok; all of it is more appreciated than any thank you card could say.

I believe in paying it forward. So, along with thank yous, I will raise my kids to be as loving as you all. I'll teach them volunteerism and how to nurture mother earth. I'll teach them to be better about manners than I am :) And I'll teach them that there's nothing like the love of friends and family to get you through each day.

I thank you. Joe thanks you. And most importantly, they thank you:


  1. aw magpie! this is exactly why you have so many friends and your life is awesome... it takes some people years to realize and appreciate what gets them through tough times. i'm glad to be yo' friend and i really love you alot... even though we aren't really close or anything i just have always felt as though i should keep up with you! <3

  2. you're the loveliest, nikkila!

    we might just be kindred spirits...